Ministry Without Competition 4: Speaking the Truth in Love

Have you ever heard someone say things like: 

• “Just saying.”
• “No offense, but…”
• “Don’t shoot the messenger.”
• “Somebody had to say it.”

These often come after a blunt or critical comment.  It’s a signal to the listener: “I know this might sound harsh, but I’m not taking responsibility for how it lands”.

How about any of these: 

• “I’m just being real.”
• “It’s real talk.”
• “Just being honest.”

These sound authentic but can hide a pride in bluntness — as if harsh honesty is more righteous than gracious speech. 

How about these:

• “I’m speaking the truth.”
• “I call it like I see it.”
• “I’m speaking the truth in love.”

Maybe these can sound biblical or courageous, but often this form of "truth" becomes a weapon instead of a witness when love and humility are missing.

We like to say we’re “just speaking the truth in love”. It sounds spiritual, doesn’t it? But far too often, what we call truth is really just our opinion, our frustration, or even our insecurity dressed up in spiritual language.

When you look closely, each of these phrases reveals something about the heart behind the words. Sometimes what we call “honesty” isn’t really about helping others — it’s about protecting or possibly promoting ourselves.

Biblical truth-telling always begins with humility and love. When Jesus spoke truth, it wasn’t to win an argument or prove a point — it was to heal, restore, and redeem. Real truth-telling isn’t about getting something off our chest; it’s about getting Christ’s heart into the conversation.

Here’s the thing — if our words don’t lift someone up, point them back to Jesus, or remind them of who they are in Christ, we’re not actually speaking truth. Truth isn’t harsh or condemning. 

When Paul talked about “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), he wasn’t giving us permission to correct others harshly. He was reminding us to call one another up — to remind each other of the reality of who we are as sons and daughters of God.

Here’s the truth:

• We are a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).
• We are chosen, holy, and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12).
• We are God’s workmanship, created for good works He prepared in advance for us (Ephesians 2:10).

Truth spoken in love calls others up into their identity. It reminds them of who they are — chosen, redeemed, and dearly loved.  If what we’re saying to someone else doesn’t lift them toward Christ or reflect their identity in Christ, then we are not speaking the truth in love. 

When we “speak the truth in love,” it should sound like the heart of Jesus. He never used truth to shame or silence people. He used truth to set them free, to restore dignity, and to remind them of their worth in the Father’s eyes.

When we carry this same heart into our ministry, our words begin to heal instead of harm. Our presence becomes safe instead of stressful. Our leadership reflects Christ instead of competing for attention. 

Why is this important?  What does this have to do with not competing? 

When we’re rooted in our identity in Christ,  competition loses its grip. 

When competition loses its grip, we are empowered to celebrate/support the giftings of those around us without fear.  When competition loses its grip, we are empowered to speak the actual truth to others without fear of lack for ourselves. 

Serving From Insecurity

When we serve from insecurity, everything starts to feel like a competition. We notice who’s being recognized and who’s not. We feel threatened by others’ gifts or intimidated by their confidence, but our calling is not a contest.  

We have an unfortunate biblical example of this in Haman, from the book of Esther. Let’s not skip the history lesson today, want to come along with me? Here we go:

In Esther 5, Haman is invited to dinner with Queen Esther and King Ahasuerus, so: 

“Haman went out that day joyful and with a glad heart” 5:9a

However, his good mood wasn’t to last - as soon as he begins his walk home, he sees Mordecai:  

 “but when Haman saw Mordecai in the king’s gate, and that he did not stand or tremble before him, he was filled with indignation against Mordecai.” 5:9

Why?  Why is Haman “filled with indignation” against Mordecai?  Haman has been invited to the palace for an intimate dinner with the king and queen, what does Mordecai have to do with this? Haman is being honored, and another man is adjacent.  Why can’t Haman let it go?  Why did Haman even take notice and waste mental energy on a Jew sitting at the king’s gate? The definition of indignation is “anger or annoyance provoked by what is perceived as unfair treatment”, which makes this make even less sense. 

“Nevertheless Haman restrained himself and went home and he sent and called for his friends and his wife Zeresh. Then Haman told them of his great riches, the multitude of his children, everything in which the king had promoted him, and how he had advanced him above the officials and servants of the king. Moreover Haman said, “Besides, Queen Esther invited no one but me to come in with the king to the banquet that she prepared; and tomorrow I am again invited by her, along with the king. “ 5:10-12

We aren’t surprised that Haman makes this story all about himself, to be honest, I’m a little relieved that he didn’t even mention Mordecai.  He had a great opportunity to take the high road and leave his “indignation” behind here.  Just drop it, Haman, this has nothing to do with you. 

Not so fast - here’s where Haman goes south:

“Let all this avails me nothing, so long as I see Mordecai the Jew sitting at the king’s gate.” 5:13

So, all of this is worthless because Mordecai exists? A little dramatic, don’t you think?  Hopefully his wife will help him out: 

“Then his wife Zeresh and all his friends said to him, ‘Let a gallows be made, fifty cubits high, and in the morning suggest to the king that Mordecai be hanged on it; then go merrily with the king to the banquet’. ” And the thing pleased Haman; so he had the gallows made.” 5:14

Or maybe she won’t…..

They say bad company ruins good morals, but Hamam was already at the bottom of the barrel here.  His wife and friends push him down further.  Take Mordecai down, they say.  You know how I interpret this advice?  I think this is Haman’s wife saying to him, “Haman, you’ve gone as high as you can go. You can’t grow, you can’t go any higher, you have reached your capacity.  The only way to make yourself look good is to make others look bad.  If anyone comes close to you, kick them down - then at least you’ll still look like you are on top.” 

How’s that for “just saying” or “I’m just being real” or “don’t shoot the messenger” or “I’m just speaking the truth in love?”

To be honest, it’s sad, and led Haman to a dark place. When you come to a point where you cannot celebrate others, where you feel indignation that someone else is “in your space”, you’ve come to a dangerous spot. Run, don’t walk, back to the Cross. These things are heavy: competition, indignation, jealousy, comparison.  You aren’t meant to carry them.  Don’t waste your energy on these. You are better than that.

 The truth is, we were never meant to compete with one another. God didn’t call us to run against each other; He called us to run with endurance in the race He’s specifically marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1).

The Truth That Frees

Let’s speak the real truth — the kind that builds the Body of Christ. Let’s be women who remind each other:

“You are chosen.”

“You are equipped.”

“You are loved.”

“You are enough in Him.”

That’s what “truth in love” sounds like.

When we serve from that truth, competition loses its power, comparison fades, and insecurity melts away. We become free — free to serve, free to love, and free to see others succeed.

In the Kingdom of God, her win is your win. Her growth strengthens your ministry. Her obedience advances the same mission you’re living for.

Let’s close this series right where we began — with a heart fully surrendered to Jesus, secure in who He says we are, and committed to building others up instead of tearing ourselves down through comparison.  If someone else is growing/succeeding/winning, that doesn’t take anything away from your growing/succeeding/winning!

You can catch up here if you want to take a look at the first, second or third in the series!

Ministry without competition begins and ends in Christ. When we know who we are, we can cheer others on - and truly speak the truth in love the way Paul intended, truly speak the truth in love in a way that honors Christ.  What a treasure!

Join me on the Connect Podcast on Youtube and let’s continue this conversation on Thursday!