In the Middle 2: When Good Friends Get it Wrong -Lessons from Job's Friends

I hope I didn’t present Job’s friends as the picture of healthy godly friendships – they made some mistakes, as we all do.  However, Job did keep them around.  That’s a lesson in itself, isn’t it?  We don’t get “done” with people, even though seasons may change. We can learn a lot of lessons from Job's friends. (you've heard the saying, "Sometimes there's a blessing, sometimes there's a lesson" - let's take the lesson from Job's friends today!)

If you didn’t read last week’s blog post, better catch up here. Come right back after you read it and let’s continue this conversation!

Job’s friends get a bad rap, but I honestly think that they meant well, and there are even lots of words they say that are true –

“God is famous for great and unexpected acts; there’s no end to His surprises” 5:9

“what a blessing when God steps in and corrects you” 5:17

“Does God mess up? Does God Almighty ever get things backward?” 8:2

“God will set everything right again, reestablish your fortunes” 8:6

“God is far higher than you can imagine, far deeper than you can comprehend” 11:7

I do think the friends mean well, but it is almost as if they are speaking without the experience of deep pain.  They want to point out God’s goodness, but then immediately connect Job’s troubles to Job’s behavior. They cannot seem to understand why these things would happen when a God whom they know as good is on the throne.  They’ve got to explain it away by calling Job’s test a punishment. It’s as if they want to plug God into a “if you’ll do this, He’ll do that” formula, but life isn’t that simple.

This is my opinion, but I wonder if Job’s friends tried to explain God in this way to protect themselves.  Their theology did not leave space for struggle or grief. In their experience, if you were “good”, then God protected you and these things didn’t happen. Seeing Job in this situation had to punch a hole in that for them - “if this could happen to Job, it could happen to us… No, it must be that Job did something wrong and made God angry…. Job, just repent and get your life back….” That was the “safer” explanation. 

We make these same mistakes in our ministry, leadership and friendships today sometimes. Job’s friends do a few things wrong here: 

• they jumped to conclusions without considering the full scope or hearing the whole story - their conclusion was that Job must have sinned, and that his present circumstances were a punishment 
• they over-spiritualized Job’s pain, turning a moment that called for compassion into a lecture on morality
• they assumed insight without asking questions, without asking clarifying questions or seeking to understand his experience

What was needed in the moment for Job was presence.  He needed the comfort of a friend more than he needed answers or solutions for his situation, and they moved too quickly. 

There’s a reason Scripture calls us to “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). It’s not just about sympathy—it’s about entering someone’s sorrow long enough to reflect the compassion of Christ. Sometimes the most spiritual thing we can do is simply sit still beside someone who’s hurting. When we show up with listening ears and a soft heart, we mirror the gentleness of Jesus, who never rushed people through their pain but met them right in the middle of it.

In leadership and ministry, this takes humility. It’s not easy to resist the urge to fix, explain, or quote a verse that ties everything up neatly. But real friendship and godly care don’t demand resolution—they offer presence. When we slow down long enough to listen, we are communicating, “You’re not alone. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m staying.” That kind of love ministers more healing than any well-meaning advice ever could. Job's friends did stay - let's give them credit for that!

When leaders move too quickly, we risk replacing empathy with advice, and presence with analysis. True ministry begins with careful listening, humility, and the patience to let God’s truth unfold rather than rushing to conclusions. Job’s friends missed an opportunity to minister peace to Job in his troubles. How painful it must have been for Job to listen to this as he grieved.

Sometimes friends are trying to help, and don’t know how to do it – forgive them.  Sometimes friends don’t know how to help, so they ignore the situation (and possibly you) altogether – forgive them. Don’t shy away from relationship, using past hurts as an excuse.  Trust that the relationship will give you the opportunity to grow, and the Lord will fill in the blanks.  Even when there must be a loss of relationship (sometimes it must be), trust Jesus to give you the continuity of community that you desire.

For now, Job is still in the middle. I want to hang out until we see his restoration, don’t you?  Let’s come together on Thursday as we continue this conversation on the podcast, and come back to the blog next week as we continue this series on the blog!